I've had a history of blogging healthy recipes and dancing around the fact that I struggle with getting into shape and being healthy, that is not secret. But I've never had the guts to blog about how I really feel regarding my own personal fitness. A few weeks ago when I saw The Nearsighted Owl start the "I am proud of my size" link ups, I thought to myself 'that is so great for her and them...but not me." And honestly, it made me feel even worse about myself that I couldn't even feel slightly proud of how I look.
Then my blogging soulmate Beca wrote this amazing post that put into words exactly how I feel. If you haven't read it yet, please take the time to go read it here: 'A Truth I am Terrified to Tell You.'
In the spirit of keeping it real, I am 5'7" and as of yesterday I weigh 156lbs. This puts me wavering somewhere around a size 12. Last summer I was down to 144lbs and about a size 10. And I was happy there, floating only 10-15lbs above my goal weight. I was closer than I ever had been in my adult life. Then we bought the house and life got in the way of my fitness goals. Our kitchen was out of commission for weeks, so I started eating junk food with M out of convenience, and it just snowballed out of control. Once the house started to get in order, it was holiday sales time for my Etsy shop and I frankly did not have a spare minute to even THINK about exercising. So I got lazy. And now that I've gained back 12lbs, I'm not happy with how I'm looking. Which is crazy. I should be happy.
There was a point in my life not so long ago that I weighed 30lbs more than I do now.
I've just started to get a handle on all of this and start working back toward my goals, but it really is a daily struggle. And it's hard to put something on in the morning and be so disappointed that it doesn't look as good as it did 12lbs ago when I wore it last summer.
You shouldn't feel pressured either way to be proud of or ashamed of your body.
In solidarity with Beca, and every other girl out there who should be proud of their body, but just doesn't quite feel it yet, this post is for you.
Thanks for this post! I understand you completely. I'm going through the same thing right now! I'm unhappy with the number on the scale and how I look in pictures. Weight has always been a struggle for me and I know it will be a battle my whole life. Sometimes it feels like no matter how much I exercise and how healthy I eat I see no change and its hard. I know I should be fine the way I am, I but the hard part is telling myself and accepting that!
ReplyDeleteI've always thought you were beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing :) I wish it were 2009 when I was at my healthiest! But can't reverse time, so just gotta focus on what I can do for the future
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